3 Techniques to Beat Temptations

As people who are trying to improve ourselves, we are constantly faced with temptations to resort back to our old behaviours. We crave for destructive acts and practices, we slip into the same old pattern of doing and thinking as soon as we say we’re going to change for the better.

‘Why?’ you ask yourself, ‘”Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep doing things I said I would never do anymore? Why do I slack off and procrastinate? Why do I lack motivation and self-discipline? Why do I never stick to my plans? Why do I seem unable to learn from my mistakes? Why?!’

Is it sheer laziness? Stupidity? Is it simply a matter of lacking in discipline, or motivation?

There are many ways to tackle this situation, and here I’m going to list three steps you can take in order to successfully stay on track:

1.  Cut the Crap!

When temptation kicks in, we begin rationalizing and cooking up excuses why reverting to our old ways is perfectly acceptable, and that’s when it becomes DANGEROUS. Why? because you have lowered your standards. Things that weren’t OK now becomes OK – “just doing it once won’t hurt”, “I’ll just start over again tomorrow”, or “I’m NOT out of control”.

The key is to guard your thoughts AND stick to the truth. Cut the crap. For your own sake, stop buying your bullshit!

Try this: the next time temptation kicks in, ask yourself 2 Simple Questions:

1. What is it that I really want to happen ultimately with my life? (Picture the life you really want to have)
   
2. What action can I do NOW that will allow me to experience my highest truth and my best life?

Focus on what you really want to happen. Do you really want to buy those designer jeans now on credit, or would you rather invest that money so you could achieve financial freedom sooner? When we are tempted, it’s because we are seeing only the short-lived pleasures we think we get, completely oblivious to the long-term consequences of our actions. Think long-term!

Whatever the answer to Question #2 is, just do it. And then  (and this is VERY crucial) just drop the subject. Stop thinking about it any more. This basically cuts off any other option other than what you have already identified as the right action. So just focus on doing what’s right and watch yourself go forward. The more you think, the more you’ll entertain the idea of other possibilities, and thus the more crafty your rationalizations will get. So crafty and clever in fact, that you’ll eventally buy your own crap again if you’re not careful.

So stop wasting time by thinking too much!  Most of the time we KNOW the right course of action, but we don’t do it simply because we aren’t used to it or we associate pain in doing it. Instead of constantly dwelling on anything else, JUST DO IT! Analysing the problem endlessly will get you nowhere. Just DO the right action. NOW.

Easy to do? Definitely not.

Simple? Oh YES!

2. Abide by the Law of Cause and Effect

Every action (or inaction) has a corresponding result. Simply put, if you do (or don’t do) [X], a corresponding result – [YZ], will happen. Drill this in your head the next time you are tempted to buy unnecessary things just to keep up with the Joneses, or the next time you’re tempted to overspend whilst on a holiday.

The law of cause and effect applies to everybody. There may be times when you think you’ve gotten away with something. Like the time when you blew a fortune just to look great on a holiday, or the time when you got into so much debt but somebody rescued you from your troubles. Maybe you got lucky, but you won’t be lucky forever.

3.  Meet your core need – in a constructive way.

Here’s one way of looking at our behaviours, whether they are destructive or constructive: we do every single thing we do because we are simply trying to meet a need that we have.

Think about it.

Ever talked your way out of going to the gym and watched TV all evening instead? It was your way of meeting a need, perhaps your need for comfort.

Ever got into massive debts just so you could buy a flashy car or glamorous jewelry? It was your way of meeting a need, perhaps for acceptance, for love or admiration.

So before you do something you know will set you off in another guilt trip later, just STOP for a moment. Pause and ask yourself the following questions:

• ‘What need am I trying to meet right now?’
• ‘Do I REALLY need that?’
• ‘How can I meet this need  in ways that empower me, boost my energy, and affirm my True Self?’

What need am I trying to meet right now?

This question, if answered honestly, will bring into focus what we are really trying to achieve.

So the first step is to be really honest with yourself; The second step is to accept the truth without shaming or judging yourself for having that need in the first place.

If you admit that it’s really love or attention or appreciation that you want to get, don’t deny it, or shame yourself for having those needs. It’s perfectly human to have such needs. What matters is HOW we are trying to meet those needs.

One thing to watch out for  is mistaking your need with the actual thing you are using to meet your need. They are entirely different things. For example, ‘I need drugs and alcohol’ is a misguided perception. The drugs and alcohol are what you are using to meet your need.  Dive deeper and unearth what it is that you really need. Perhaps you are in so much pain, you’d rather escape and numb your negative feelings by using excessive amounts of alcohol and drugs. Perhaps what you really want is freedom from painful emotions, peace of mind, happiness. Get to the bottom of it.

Do I really need this?

This question is designed to uncover false thinking, and make you question the effectiveness of the tools you had been using so far.

Just the other night I was watching Spendaholics, a TV show featuring people who have got themselves into so much debt. They work with 2 coaches who then help them get out of debt by 1) uncovering the underlying issues that causes them to overspend, and 2) getting them to live within their means.

I have seen a few episodes of it and each Spendaholic follow the same pattern.  They may be craving for social acceptance, or being admired, or being recognised as worthy; they may be wanting to escape from pain (so they hide behind their designer clothes and fancy cars instead); or a need to live up to a certain image. Whatever it is they need, they all use the same thing to meet their need: material things. The trouble is that they obtain all those things via borrowed money – lots and lots of it. They spiral out of control.

So to avoid getting yourself into deep trouble, ask yourself this:

Do I really need THAT?

Do I really need to be perceived as the best-looking girl/guy in the city? Do I really need others to see me as the strongest, biggest, richest, sexiest, smartest? Do I really need to sleep with so many men/women to get what I really want? Do I really need a flashy car  or house I can hardly afford in order to feel good about myself? Do I really need to put others down just so I could feel better about myself?

How can I meet this need in ways that empower me, boost my energy, and affirm my True Self?

Think of new ways to meet your core need. Be creative!

The trick is to think of new ways that will not hurt you or other people in the long run.

Need for comfort? How about a massage this weekend after you have successfully hit the gym 3x this week, instead of diet bingeing? Go for feeling giddy, not guilty!

Need for thrill? How about doing something adventurous that you haven’t tried before like skydiving  instead of driving expensive fast cars that will take you 15 years to pay in full?

Need to be admired by others? How about volunteering and making a real difference to other people’s lives instead of blowing owed money on expensive things?

Need to feel loved? How about simply stating exactly what you want instead of resorting to manipulation, guilt-tripping, or sarcasm?

Need for indulgence? How about setting up challenges for yourself first and then rewarding yourself generously afterwards? There’s nothing like a reward well-deserved.

Conclusion

Changing is not easy, but it is utterly simple. When you are tempted to revert back to negative and destructive patterns of behaviour, simply:

Step 1: Cut your Crap

Step 2: Abide by the Law of Cause and Effect

Step 3: Meet your Core Need in Constructive Ways

Stay focused. It’s worth it!

No related posts.